I know nobody gets my humor...

I was forwarded this cartoon by a developer buddy of mine, pretty much the week I got out of a State Funded "how to protecte your website against hackers" meeting - which was funny because I have been part of a development orginization who did NOT protect against this particular issue...and a bank got hacked....

I didnt work there when the code was written...i did NOT sign the partnership paper work...and left after about a year of "Oh my god we're not going to take home checks this week, but lets pay the sales guy his full salary (yea..no commission..hmm wonder why no sales...funny)"

bonus points if you know the hacking term...

Favorite Movie Quotes - Insert here. - Difficulty: relevant to your day today (or..on the day you post it)

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely
idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent
response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational
thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I
award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

I'm so very out of the loop...

I realized today that I don't actually know what most of my friends and family do for a living - and I am not quite sure why - but today - i am asking - anyone who feels like responding...

what do you guys do for a living - do you like it or does it just pay the bills?

what's your favorite non-work related thing to do with your time?

There can be only 10

I just ran across this very funny joke -

There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Very Important!!!

As you are all well aware - September 19th is International Talk Like A Pirate day. It is not by any coincidence that this INTERNATIONAL holiday falls exactly 6 Months after Avery Renee Rowe's Birthday (initials: ARR).

To celebrate - we will be driving mom absolutely insane by talking as much like a pirate as i can get a 1 and 2 year old to...i hope to leave the house in the morning with nora yelling "ARRRRRRRRRRRRR" and Avery chiming in with "Avast ye landlubbers"

To aide in your enjoyment of this momentous holiday please review the links below..the first one is a google search...have fun!

Google It!
One of many Dictionary sites!

What toilet seat covers?

These toilet seat covers:
Clickey

All about video...i guess

So - apparantly i am all about video lately - i am NOT spending hours on YouTube searching far and wide....today someone said "I guess you have to look on the bright side" to me when i was walking in to work (he was all sad about the weather...i was all happy about it)...

so - without further wasting of taxpayers money: The End of The Life of Brian

Jump Jump Jump Jump Jump

So - today - i got to meet Jen & the kids for lunch at the park...which is under an overpass and next to a hospital...which i now realize is unrelated useless information..but it has to stay now that i typed it...

ANYWAY - after we ate (at a picnic table since we're throwing in useless info) we were back to playing and i had Nora up on one of the play structures...she was hanging on to the side of it near the opening and 'saying' Jump OVER AND OVER again - and each time she said it she got up on her tiptoes then rocked back to her heals - it was SO DAMN funny...

then i took her hands off the side and she jumped down - the look on her face went from TERROR to ELATION - it was awesome.

meanwhile - avery is running around like a crazy child (right after gymnastics mind you ..where the crap does she get the energy??) "Look at I dad, Look at I" climbing everything there is jumping off stuff not meant to be jumped off...

lunch at the park is the best lunch there is.

Dont mess with korea

Ever have one of those days?

Where you're driving to work, and start thinking about your significant other...and it gives you chills? (the good kind)...

Happy Friday to me =)

Because 100 Feet is just too far to walk...

Operating Procedure for Scooters

The scooters are provided as an accommodation. If you need a scooter, please provide Human Resources with a doctor’s note. They may not always be available for your use although we will do our best to provide them when necessary. The scooters are planned to be kept near the East entrance.

Ø Please drive the scooters at a maximum of half speed in cubicle areas or near doors (use horn to alert others that you are coming) and keep to the right whenever you use them so foot traffic moves unimpeded.

Ø Do not use the scooters in the work area or in the cafeteria or break room, they are for covering the longer hall distances. They are not intended to be used in meeting rooms and or to leave the building.

Ø The scooters are not assigned to individuals, therefore they are returned to their “parking place” in order to be available for others who may need them. If a scooter is not available at the time you arrive at work, please wait and one will be delivered to you. As we become aware of others who may need to use a scooter, work schedules may be adjusted slightly to accommodate the users and the business needs of the sections in which they work.

Ø A “scooter crew” will be designated to move the scooters to and from their pick-up, recharging and delivery locations.

Ø Please remember to turn off the scooter when not in use.

Can you smell the Fall?

Fall is my favorite season - i know summer should be - but its not. Stepping outside to 45 degrees - it just hits you - not too hard like the dead of winter - but just enough to wake you up....and the smell - the air is so fresh...

mmmmmmmmmmm

I wasnt ready for it in early August - but now that it's september - bring it on...i cant wait for the leaves to start turning -

Well, there's a football in the air,
Across a leaf blown field.
Yeah, and there's your first car on the road,
And the girl you'd steal.

So go on with yourself
If there's a feeling that there's something else.
Seems like it's always understood
This time of year.

better than ezra

ouch.

Just painful

I just cant help it.

I would like to thank my sister for this link. I was havin a bad day - then i remembered this song.



If you to are having a bad day - please click above.

Oh...The Humanity...

So...hmmm...where to begin....

Saturday August 18, 2007 - Summer is winding down, Marc & Jen wanted to make at least 1 trip to York's Wild Kingdom before September (because even though they're open...everything INSIDE is closed down).

The Plan: Let Nora wake up the family, get ready and 3 hours after she wakes up pack everyone in the car and take off south. Nora will stay awake for 20 or so minutes (enough time to stop for a bagel/coffee) and then fall asleep for the remainder of the trip - ensuring a rested child. Stay at "zoo" for a couple hours, then head to "other destination" - beach/mall - something else to make the drive worth it.

The Early Morning Execution: Nora wakes at 6 (thanks for sleeping in)(yea..i mean that - its usually5). Coffee. Marc takes shower. Jen Takes Shower/Marc dresses kids and prepares "Outing Equipment" (snacks, change of clothes(VERY IMPORTANT), toys etc). 9am - out the door everyone happy/awake.
15 minutes into car ride, ready to pull off to get coffee/bagel...Nora's asleep...dammit...if we stop she wakes up ...so we press on..hungry and under-caffeinated...
1 Hour into car ride...Nora Awakes (still 30 min to go till "zoo") - Biddeford...Dunks...fantastic...still time to eat and drink coffee before we get there. score.
Stop at dunks: 25 minutes...a little lenghty but mmmm coffeeeee
Back in car, on the way - eatin good eats.

Oh....The Humanity: 3 minutes of highway... Avery starts to cry. Avery throws up. A lot. No, really A LOT...like a lot.
Pull off at rest area for the decontamination...right...as best as possible anyway...change clothes...discontinue eating good eats (cuz..she felt fine till she ate the dunks)
"Avery are you ok?", "I'm sorry i spit up a little bit" (now shes crying cuz she thinks we're mad at her for throwing up..poor thing) "Can we go to the zoo still, i wont cry any more"(what kind of parents are we?)

Zoo: Went fantastic...everyone had fun - we fed the animals and what not - everything we wanted to do...2 hours later - a little tailgate party on our way out (yogurt)....back on the road to the mall (its too damn cold for the beach and we forgot the beach stuff)

Oh...The Humanity:45 minutes of highway. Avery REALLY starts to cry...Avery throws up...MORE THAN BEFORE...its everywhere - seeping into the seats...now everyone's crying ...crazy weekend drivers bumper to bumper - need to get to the mall ...cuz we're going there anyway and we're out of clothes...finally get there - Jen and Nora enter mall to purchase new clothes for Avery - Marc & Avery stay in car - so now there's a crazy man undressing a 2 year old in the parking lot of the mall - i had to make sure i had my story strait just in case i got questioned as to what the crap i was doing there (cant be a man alone with a child in this damn country any more without being accused of something)

Jen & Nora are back...avery dressed - quick run in ot return the dress to Macy's - back in the car - 45 minutes to go.

Crying: The whole way home. poor kid just wanted to go to bed...

This is why we dont go places.

756*

Thank goodness over.

Now come on A-Rod - get to it.

Amy, The Girls, Falling Ice & CMP

So...my sister was kind enough to volunteer to look after my girls while Jen and I went to Greg's wedding this weekend.

Putting aside the fact that when we came home Avery had a very swollen black eye (from a "bug bite" wink wink child protective services) i think she did a bang up job (ha...that's funny on so many levels)

CMP is the power company - they dont so much like Falling Ice - or Hail - or Thunderstorms in general - so when that all started i guess they just gave up and the power went out...slackers...

so now you have a woman with no kids taking care of 2 kids under three - at dinner time - with no way to actually cook any dinner - here's the really really scary part...she did exactly what i would have done - cold pasta. done.

i have to say - aside from the "dont take that kid in public unless you want to be arrested" eye Avery's sporting ("bug bite" why does benedryl not help? hnmmmm) - i call it a success - adam came up and we all hung out on sunday swimmin in the pool - it was great.

I bet she's got a better story than i do though =)

A little programming note for the non programmers out there

You can be the best at what you do. You can write the coolest application on the planet. But if you comment out (tell the compiler to ignore) the only line of code that produces output (in my recent discovery - the line of code that sends the email) your application FAILS.

GB - A Clairification

As established, I have the coolest. grandmother. evar.

There has been some confusion, however, surrounding her nickname for the grandkids...and since mine was first, i win.

One day we were in her dining room while Jen was pregnant with Avery and the topic of "What to Call Grandma" came up...we decided that Great Grandma just wasnt fitting for the water-skiing, internet having before it was cool (yea when modems were 1200 bits per second...1.2 k people and she DIDNT have AOL like the rest of the internet community -she had an independent connection that used Netscape 1.0 as the browser....on her apple...), golf playing (duh), traveling etc wonder woman that is my grandmother...

so...she said "Well, just call me Bob"

And i said "Bob's close but not quite right"

She said "Grandma Bob"

Done. Her nickname for the great-grandkids would be Grandma Bob - or GB.

Some people are confused because her nickname for regular folk is Betty, so they Ass-u-me that GB=Grandma Betty.

They are incorrect.

GB=Grandma Bob.

this post was dum

so i deleted it.

Blee and Blo

Avery has this imagination....its nuts...we play with pretend animals in the car - her feet play with each other...but sometimes they don't share and need to stop being fresh...

One of her favorite things is to change the names of the characters in her books when we read before bedtime...it started with the Clifford books - "Emily Elizabeth will be Blee and Clifford will be Blo"

So through the entire book, the reader is required to substitute Blee and Blo for Emily Elizabeth and Clifford...which is pretty strait forward because "Emily Elizabeth" only appears on the first page of the book - so all you have to remember is Clifford=Blo...

Well...its expanded...to the Curious George books...and let me tell you - "The Man in the Yellow Hat" is in those books just as much as "George" and SHE remembers more than I do..and corrects me every time i mess up..."No dad, The Man In The Yellow Hat is BLEE"

She's even gone so far as to DISCUSS what they are doing in the picture using their substituted names...

I love it.

Makin Coffee

Ok - So - I have a problem. Well 2 problems, but the second wouldnt be a problem without the first - so ima lump em in to 1.

I am addicted to coffee

I am OUT of ground coffee

I have a bag of whole bean that i purchased by accident

I do not have a coffee grinder.

it's 11:41, i'm not done working yet and i get up in 5 hours.

I HAVE a rolling pin

I HAVE 2 paper plates

I NOW HAVE ground coffee.

I hope it doesnt suck.

NORA TOOK 5 UNASSISTED STEPS LAST NIGHT

That is all.

Workin Like a Dog

You want an update? I'll give you an update. I'm working. There. There's your update.

Here's some more.

1. As established on amy's blog I can no longer afford to feed my kids because of the wildlife eating me out of house and home.
2. Because of 1 i have been working 7:30-4:30..coming home and doing my best to give Jen a break from 5-8, relaxing from 8-10 and working from 10-12 (or later) then getting up again at 4:45 to be at work at 7:30 for the past 2 weeks.
3. Apparantly the state of Maine is unaware that it's summer - because its 65 degrees and wont stop raining.
4. I have no idea why i am making a list
5. My sister told me the most disturbing story about how she was driving and saw a dead chipmunk with his "chipmunk buddy" poking at him trying to get him to wake up and then BEFORE THE STORY WAS FINISHED - "Oh - an injured woodpecker in the road is trying to fly but it cant" - and she's all about "Nature" where she lives - maybe you should stop killing the nature Amy.
6. Nora took 5 unassisted steps last night.
7. Nora took 5 unassisted steps last night.
8. Nora took 5 unassisted steps last night.

Swimmin

So - i had forgotten how much i love to swim. I have an odd pool - its in-ground and octagon shaped - when i initially saw it i though it was an above ground pool that someone had put in a hole - but after repairing the liner i learned that its just a really odd in-ground pool...

last year things were so crazy around the house that we never really got to use the thing and because of that i may have accidentally not kept up with cleaning it...so it was a little ickey at the start of the season this year...

After 10 week ends of cleaning it - i finally had it ready for Nora's frist birthday party - which was 66 degrees and cloudy...eeh...

this week i decided that i was going to use the pool no matter what - and i ended up going swimming both wednesday night and last night - and i loved it. and i will do it again tonight. and tomorrow. and any other day i can - because after all that work i am going have fun with it.

Anyone want to come over to my house and play? i have a pool!!!

Need some Tips

My wife has one of the hardest jobs (no its not being married to me...but thanks)

She's a stay at home mom for our 2 kids - Ages 2(Avery) and 1(Nora).

I don't know how she does it - i'd go insane with nobody to talk to except for people who almost speak English (though Avery speaks quite well and has a longer attention span than i do)...

The perpetual problem, though, is what to do? During non-summer months there was Music Class on Friday and Gymnastics on Wednesday and the Library Story Time on Tuesday - but now all that stuff is closed/stopped for the summer - the kids are board - so they're being a bit more grumpy then ANYONE should have to endure...

Jen has planned arts & crafts - but nobody wants to sit still long enough to get in to any sort of activity (well - whining...they seem to be really in to that)...

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

anyone got any ideas?

The Garbage Collecter Will Get It

Ok - i am on a dumbass programmer rant today - i cant stand it today - i didnt want this blog to be a big rant about stupid programmers - but today - today it just needs to be.

IF YOU HAVE EVER SAID "We don't need to dispose of that, the Garbage Collector Will Get It" please turn off your computer and go home. You dont deserve your job.

If you think its a good idea to RELY ON EXCEPTIONS AND ERRORS in your code flow as a regular tool please turn off your computer and go home. You dont deserve your job.

Ok so "please turn off your computer and go home. You dont deserve your job. " is a bit harsh - people need to learn somehow and mistakes are one of the best ways to learn - but you know what - the people designing the software and object models really should adhere to the above - because those 2 things alone will cause your software to be slower than you're prepared to handle ... or maybe you just dont care - if that's the case...go home.

just because you CAN do something doesnt mean you SHOULD do it or that it's a GOOD IDEA

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

what i meant was

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

In case anyone cares..."Rapid Application Development" does not have to mean "NO ARCHITECTURE " or "ARCHITECTURE BY THE SEAT OF YOUR PANTS"

Its RAD and by that i mean stupid. and by that i mean bad. and by that i mean narrow minded.....

i'm all for making life easier to code - but not when it causes the app to slow down to the point of headache for the user.

my head asplode.

Turning 1

So - Nora will be1 year old tomorrow, but we had our party for her on Saturday - which completely messes with some of my family members (since we celebrated my birthday 2 days early even when mine fell on a Sunday) "Why don't YOU PEOPLE celebrate on the actual birthday - why are you always having parties on non-birthdays?

Why? To paraphrase Denis Leary from The Ref "Because we're adults and we can [have the party] WHENEVER WE WANT" - seriously - one day i'll come up with my own wording for stuff - and not just pull it from a movie i've seen - just not today...

I am surprised to admit that i am going to miss having a baby around - Avery's 2(+) (not going type out the months because that's just silly) and now Nora's 1 - i mean - my little girls arent going to be little all that long...on the other hand diapers != fun...but still - there's something about the laugh and the learning new things - i just love it...i guess i'll just have to cut out of work early a few days to make sure i dont miss too too much...

"And we don't notice any time pass; because we don't notice anything" - The White Stripes

the new math

So – I used to be an athlete. Ago…and I have decided that while I may never be an athlete again – I really shouldn’t get tired or winded walking up some stairs (or chasing my dog as she runs down the street after some poor unsuspecting pedestrian)….anyway – I’ve decided to take up running and what not to get myself back to some sort of shape.

I’ve been running 4 miles a day (pats self on back) – which sucks in case you’re curious – im inside on a treadmill staring at a wall…the runing’s not so bad – I’m just board…

Anyway – so last week I went to wal-mart for some reason or another in the middle of the day – after my run – and picked up a king size snickers bar because that’s what I do(did) when I got to stores by myself. For grins I flipped the package over to see how many calories I was about to consume – 170 per serving– hmm that’s not too bad –– 3 servings in one bar – wait…what? Is the snickers bar wrapper somehow re-sealable for me to eat 1/3 of it then put it back? No. no it isn’t – but hey – thanks for manipulating the data – that’s pretty super (lies damn lies and statistics) – anyway

The new math:

1 Sinckers=3*170=510cal

4Miles=34 minutes of running

4 miles=725 cal

510/725=.7034 (rounded

4miles*.7034 =2.8136 miles

34Minutes*.7034= 23.9156 minutes

1 Snickers=2.8136 miles =23.9156 minutes

Eeh. That sucks

do i need to explain the title?

should i?

i guess - i'll just say what i say to people who ask me unsolicited computer questions - google it...and if you still cant find the answer give me a call and we'll figure it out.

I'll even throw The Bobs in there for anyone who cant find it right off (since its in not the first 4 links)